
If you've read any of my blogs from the past year, then you know I've talked openly about my battle with PTSD, depression and suicidal ideations. Lately, I've given a lot of thought about where we are as a First Responder community when it comes to addressing our mental health.
A couple of months ago, I had the opportunity to observe a local veterinarian who specializes in equine dentistry. I know what you're thinking...what could equine dentistry and the mental health of First Responders have in common? Maybe more than we realize.
Dr. Scott was sharing information on how far the equine dentistry profession had come over the years...however, with the publication of recent studies, he said, they were just now beginning to learn that what they had been doing in the past, was wrong. The way things had been done...would now need to be changed. I don't think I really paid much attention to anything he said after that because my mind immediately became sidetracked into wondering if the decades of studies concerning First Responders and their struggle with mental health...was now...in need of a change in our approach...in our words...and in our actions.
I sometimes become frustrated with what I read on the internet, in books and articles...or what I hear on podcasts and see on social media. We seem to be caught up in an endless array of catch phrases or words. You know what I'm talking about..."reach out," "break the stigma," "you are not alone"...etc. I've been guilty of using these phrases from time to time also, but in all honesty, when I find myself enveloped in the darkness, none of those phrases comfort me, none of them make me feel better nor do they urge me to be proactive in my own self-care by seeking out professional assistance or even contacting a friend. For lack of better terms, the words we use, excessively, have more of a feel of bringing casseroles to families after a funeral. Don't get me wrong, we are all in need of nourishment, but when it comes down to it, catch phrases and casseroles are something we say and do because we don't always know what to say or do.
"Hero" is another word that can sometimes be problematic and isolating for some. I have not once felt like or acknowledged myself as a hero...and I tend to brush it off when I do hear it. We know the risks and yet, we put our lives on the line every single time we respond to the needs of our community. The word "hero" is such a small word...yet it carries an enormous weight that can never be lived up to. And in some instances, being called a "hero" for an act of bravery, while appreciative and meant with love and respect, has the potential to lead some down a lonely and dark road they can never fully recover from.
One final thought...I was listening to a news segment from another state before Christmas. The therapist was talking about how departments and organizations have come a long way in assuring their employees receive the care they need. However, in speaking with a few current and former First Responders from different areas of the country and from various departments, the policies and procedures currently in place don't necessarily benefit the employee, but rather the department. It may look good on paper, but it may not be all that helpful to the employee. And then we wonder why First Responders remain silent...
Over the course of the last twenty years, what has really changed? We still have First Responders suffering in silence and...sadly, we continue to have some take their own lives. Granted there are more options for assistance, especially when it comes to nonprofits, therapists and peer support networks than when I was a paramedic. Awareness, donations and people wanting to help is rising, which is amazing...but...when it comes to getting First Responders to "ask for assistance" it feels like we've been spinning our wheels from the get go...and when you strip away the layers of the past couple of decades, what are we left with? Current and former First Responders are still battling in silence...and they/we shouldn't have to. The commonality is we don't talk about what we feel or what we've seen. Why?
I have always been an "outside of the box thinker." But my entire life, I was made to feel like my thoughts were off the beaten path and so I found myself to be more of a majority "people pleaser"....going along with the way things have always been...afraid to offer my thoughts. However, the past few weeks I have been observing a mustang named Red Feather, who is loosing her sight... and what I have heard others say about her is, that while she may be loosing her sight, she is finding her voice. Maybe...without me even knowing it, she's been showing me how to find my own voice...
I don't propose to have all the answers, but I can no longer sit by and watch the next decade go by while watching our brothers and sisters drown in what they've seen and in what they feel. They feel like they have no voice...they feel like they are not heard...they feel like they are not seen...and their employers do just enough to cover themselves with policies, while not truly helping the person struggling. First Responders should not have to worry about their employers finding out about what they share...they should be able to speak up, and speak freely to whoever they feel comfortable with and not be afraid their gun, badge, precinct, station, coverage area, headsets, or job will be taken away from them because they seek help or because they're struggling and don't know who to trust. First Responders need people in their corner who can help, not leave them unsupported.
Employers should also be proactive, and not reactive, when an employee reaches out and asks for time off to attend a therapy session of their own choosing...by not honoring that hour or so off, you are penalizing the individual who is attempting to do the right thing by taking the necessary steps to care for their own mental health. Now, the employer has just added another element to an already stressful, and preventable, situation...
I don't know. It just feels like it's time to look at other perspectives/options concerning the mental health of First Responders. Who understands "us" better than we ourselves? We have an opportunity to change the way things have always been and allow a better, and healthier, outcome for the ones who day in and day out sacrifice, or have sacrificed, their physical and mental health for the people of their community.
Don't get stuck on words, phrases and policies/procedures. It's time to find our voices...speak up...share our stories and let other First Responders see there is hope for healing. No more making the First Responder feel like they are the problem by speaking out.
If you are a department that is more concerned with covering yourself with policy, things will never change. Care for your people. Love them...don't toss them aside. First Responders deserve a lot more support and respect than being wrapped up in this current bureaucracy...you can't claim to be in business to serve the citizens of your community and not serve the very people who show up to serve that community every...single...shift... Before anyone gets upset and thinks I am bashing every employer, I am not. I'm just asking that policies be revisited and updated to be more supportive of the employee who is struggling.
When we receive word of the death, or self destruction of one of our own...we cry out that things need to change, or we need to do more, but we're not offering a solution...we're continuing on the same road we've travelled on for decades. Things aren't going to change, until we stand up and say...enough...and work together to find alternative solutions to a problem that, sadly, isn't going anywhere anytime soon...First Responders will continue to suffer in silence if we don't start thinking outside the box. I'm just throwing all this out there...sometimes all change needs in order to happen is conversation...
So, what if we have been doing this all wrong? It's certainly something we should be considering...and sooner rather than later.
~Parker
Thank you so much for sharing this. Things really do need to change. I wish I knew of something I could do to make a difference.
Well said Parker. Those of us who have been through this, in various forms, need to speak out. What worked for us and what did not. We can change the senior employees ideas by supporting the new trainees and giving them permission to move through their trauma instead of burying it. Thank you for all you are doing.