
With every minute that passes, I realize I am on the verge of unleashing years of thoughts and emotions that I have suppressed and held in silence and darkness... and that scares the hell out of me. The fear of losing emotional control, even for a minute, is unsettling. I know those thoughts and emotions are gaining control and soon will overtake me. They want out. I have held them for far too long and I cannot continue to carry them. I know it...and they know it.
I should have found healthier ways of releasing over the years, but I didn't. The fear of being seen as weak and lost has been too much for me to handle and so I suppress and I isolate...the thoughts in my head leading me on a journey to bury feelings while presenting to the world that everything is ok. It has been far from ok...
This week, I am thankful for those in my life, who are walking this journey with me and who have allowed me the space to begin to unpack a part of that release. But there is more...so much more. I know it's time, but my fear is that once I begin to release, the things I have been carrying will flow from my mouth and body with an uncontrollable intensity...I'm not going to be able to stop it. I will fall...
As much as I fear what is coming, and it is coming, I find hope and comfort in knowing, that once I confront my own thoughts, guilt and trauma, and the images of the patients tendered to my care, forgiveness and healing will finally be able to find a way to come and stay....
In order for this to happen, I know I will need help in stepping out of my comfort zone...and I will have to trust and break my silence...
~Parker
Always here for you.
Keep spreading the powerful words of your story and support.
The new pathway is never easy. It’s always 1 step forward and sometimes two steps backwards. These steps do not need to be leaps, they can be small and remember to take the time it takes.